verb (vûrb) n. The part of speech that expresses existence, action, or occurrence in most languages.
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Billy Mays' Role in Humanity's Fight Against Chaos.
After a week of relentless celebrity takedowns by the Grim Reaper, any sentient human being should be excused for raising their fists in the air and yelling "I've had enough!" Unfortunately, no matter how loud we yell or how often we complain, nature always wins. Which brings me to today's passing of the great TV pitchman, Billy Mays. No one could raise a fist and yell quite like Billy, and his career was built on the idea that even though nature will always win, humans have the right to fight back at every turn. Nature is chaos, and since the beginning of time humanity has tried to reign it it. This simple fact is what separates from every other species on the planet. We try to control our environment, and Billy offered us the tools to do so. He leaves behind a body of work that speaks volumes about our tenacity and creativity when having to confront nature's chaotic ways.
It all began with Oxiclean. If nature was going to dirty our clothes and weaken our fabrics, Billy had the perfect weapon.
Wood ages and decays. Nature would have us believe that there's nothing we can do to slow this process down. Billy had the answer with Orange Glo.
Why should we suffer the indignity of having to brush our toilets to keep them clean? Billy scores again with Kaboom.
Humans are a part of nature, and as such they sometimes aide it in its path of destruction. Billy had just the thing to combat this with Engrave It.
We said "Fuck you nature! We will not live in darkness." and Billy gave us the Handy Switch.
With this next one Billy himself admits that "It is the most important product I have ever endorsed." I couldn't agree more. In our fight against nature our very existence is at stake and iCan is here to help.
Nature stinks (literally.) Billy had just the thing to fight life's rancid stench. He gave us What Odor?
I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the point. Billy's products were conceived to slow down or hide the inevitable. Whether it was "Mighty Putty" for a broken mug, the "AwesomeAuger" for unruly vegetation, or the "Gopher" to fight against joint atrophy from straining. Billy Mays gave us the tools to make life a little more bearable, and the right to tell the universe that we will not be pawns in it's cosmic game of chaos.
Thank you Billy Mays.
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i wrote this
best of craigslist: I took your purse and felt a connection - m4w
Date: 2009-05-14, 3:06AM EDT
Tuesday night around 11:30. On 53rd btw 1st and 2nd. You came out of the subway and I followed you. You looked over your shoulder, saw me and started walking faster. I ran up, grabbed your arm, took your purse and ran away. I heard you yelling for help but let's be honest, this is New York. The only way people would come running is if you yelled "Free Weed!"PostingID: 1170080841
I've done many a snatch-and-grab but no one has ever stuck in my mind like you. There was a quick moment when our eyes met that I felt something strong. I think you felt it too. If I wasn't so shy (or so committing a crime) I would have asked your name. I, of course, later got your name from your drivers license. So Jennifer if you'd like to get together for a drink sometime get back to me.
Oh, and I can give you back your purse. Your credit cards are still there but I spent the cash (sorry). And my room mate took your tampons. I don't know what he does with them but he always takes the tampons. If it works out between us I'll totally buy you some new ones ;-)
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
via craigslist.org
Breaking News - A Famous Person Has Died
I received an interesting question today
On Apr 2, 2009, at 2:47 PM, Damon M. wrote:
If there is no God, then all creatures have adapted to where they are today as a result of their environment, their potential enemies and their desires. For instance, a lion fish which has pointy fin tips laced with poison may have just been a fish long ago who got tired of being eaten. Or, a chameleon was a reptile who gained the ability to change color based on its surroundings for the same reason.So, if this is all true, can I potentially work/think hard enough and grow myself a third arm?
Answer:
Evolution is a process that takes millennia upon millennia so evolution won't help you grow a third arm. Also, evolution does not function in terms of wants (i.e. thinking really hard about it). Evolution is about a species mutating and acquiring traits that enable it's survival.
However, don't be discouraged as there are means outside of evolution that can be used to achieve your desire for a third arm.
If interested, please send a paypal payment in the amount of $9,999.99 to:
As soon as payment is verified, I will forward you the entire kit consisting of the following items:
The book "Think like a salamander: A primer in limb regenaration"
A large suction cup
Limb regeneration powder ( yes it's true: http://bit.ly/15GEBG )
A sheet of 10 tabs of AAA pure LSD.
One Armani Brand three sleeved jacket (http://bit.ly/fK0B) The first of many you'll now need!
You will be happy to know that this procedure works at a genetical level so you can expect all your offspring from now on to also enjoy the advantages of a third arm.
Cute! isn't it.
So what are you waiting for!
Act now and we'll also throw in a Gibson 1275 Double Neck guitar autographed by Guns n' Roses very own Slash!!!
Imagine how you'll shred that ax with your third arm!
